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I don't care about your stupid quests,
Unless we're saving a maiden with a nice pair of breasts,
Hot chicks are all that matter to me,
I don't care about posterity,
There's lots of reasons for risking your life,
But nothing's as tempting as somebody's wife,
I don't care about your silver and gold,
But if you tell me there's poontang,
Then baby, I'm sold!
Short or tall,
Blond or brown,
I'm just happy if there's women around,
Rich or poor,
Lady or whore,
I don't give a monkey's just as long as I score.
I'm told I should be married by the time that I'm thirty,
But the women I want are all sleazy and dirty,
I don't want a Guild rank or a skill or a trade,
I'm gonna spend my time just trying to get laid,
You can tell me I'm lazy, that I'm idle and lax,
But I just want to make the beast with two backs,
If I wanna get promoted then I have to impress,
But I'll only kiss ass if it's under a dress.
Why waste ten gold on a ritual slot,
When down in the brothel that can buy you a lot,
I don't want potions and I don't want scrolls,
I want naked ladies that are wrapped around poles,
I don't want to worship anything above,
I want to bow down at your temple of love,
I'll take the battlefield with the rest of the faction,
Just as long as when its over I can get some hot action.
Now I'm dead in my bed, with a smile on my face,
I'm not in Valhalla it's a different place,
I must have made a wish with my dying breath,
I'm in the place that you get taken if you're shagged to death!
credits
from A Brick Over Troubled Mortar,
released August 26, 2004
Words by Kasimir Svettirsson (Neil Albrechtsen), Cassius (Sammo Pinney) and friends
Music by Kasimir Svettirsson
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