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lyrics

Avast all ye landlubbers, hear my salty tale
Of a group of scurvy pirates who went and set sail
On the high seas of adventure, for bounties galore
For treasures untold upon far distant shores

The Captain was retentive, he had to be symmetrical,
His hat had four corners, perfectly geometrical
He had two wooden legs, and two pistol holders.
Two eyepatches, two hooked hands, and a parrot on each shoulder.

His visage was fearsome, his costume magnificent
Stick a mirror down his middle and he didn't look any different.

This is the tale of the voyage of the crew
of the ship, to the place, at the time, where they committed the
crime, where they stole all the stuff, at the time,
in that place, on their ship, them the crew, on the voyage in this tale.

Life at sea is boring, there's nothing much to do,
You can always have a fiddle out on the ocean blue,
But if thats not your thing, then its really a no brainer,
you might afford the company of their onboard entertainer,

The lass who filled that vacancy, a comely buxom wench,
all those who had her services they couldnt help but clench,
her hands were soft, her norks were big, her cleavage was divine,
an hour in her company, and you'd be on cloud nine.

Though`her face was rather hairy, 'cos she oft forgot to shave
She said her name was Daisy but once she was called Dave.

This is the tale of the voyage of the crew with that
bird, with the beard, of the ship, to the place, at the
time, where they committed the crime, where they stole all the
stuff, at the time, in that place, on their ship, with a
beard on that bird, with the crew, on the voyage in this tale.

Now their vessel she's a beauty, the best they ever made,
sturdy and reliable, it really was first grade,
to keep the ship a'sailin fine, you have to look ahead,
for those that dont beware me'lads ye` may well end up dead.

The lookout in the crows nest, he keeps his watch for land,
the helmsman he will steer her in with firm and steady hand,
but as they reached the island that fine ship ran aground, [CRASH!]
the hull's integral structure became dangerously unsound.

Cos their helmsman he's got Parkinson's and the lookout he was blind,
what with equal oppurtunities a good crew's hard to find.

This is the tale of the voyage of the crew with that
bird, with the beard, of the ship, to the place, where they
crashed on the rocks at the time, where they committed the
crime, where they stole all the stuff, at the time, in that
place, on their ship, on the rocks where they'd crashed, with that
beard on the bird, with the crew, on the voyage in this tale.

A hundred paces North, and twenty paces West
Finding buried treasure is what pirates do best
Come all types of weather, drought, snow or monsoon
They'll always find a horde worth a thousand gold dubloons

The wealth retrieval expert was a wonder to behold
With an uncanny ability to seek out hidden gold
He carried back the booty from the spot upon the hill
But dangerously quickly he discovered he was ill

His face swelled like a melon, with hives beyond measure
This unfortunate pirate was allergic to treasure

This is the tale of the voyage of the crew with that
bird, with the beard, on the ship, to the place, where they
crashed on the rocks at the time, with the bloke who
committed the crime, and got sick and he died, he was
crap, cos he stole all the stuff, he was crap, cos he
died, and got sick, him the bloke, at the time, in that
place, on their ship, on the rocks where they'd crashed, with that
beard on the bird, with the crew, on the voyage in this tale.

This was the tale, of a voyage, of a crew, in that
bird, with the beard, it was sick, they all died, on the
ship, at the place, where they crashed, on the rocks, and they
sank, at the time, with the bloke who committed the
crime, and got sick, and he died, like the rest, he was
crap, cos he stole all the stuff, he was crap, like the
rest, he fell dead, it was ace!, him the bloke, at the
time, when they sank, on the rocks, where they crashed, in that
place, on their ship, they're all dead, its still sick, in that
bird, with beard, them the crew, all at once, parrots
too, and hooked hands, wooden legs, and those hives, bet they
hurt, not the crew?!?, their all dead! on the voyage in this tale.

credits

from Lester: Unplugged & Unhinged, released August 29, 2008

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