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The Offensive Song

from A Brick Over Troubled Mortar by The Bricks

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lyrics

Once upon a time four elder races there were made
But they were just crap prototypes, it's time for an upgrade
It's time to roll out Version 2 and show them to the door
The elves, fey, dwarves and Ologs, we don't need them anymore

What about the Elves? (They're all poncey!)
What about the Fey? (They're all noncey!)
What about the Dwarves? (They're too hairy!)
What about the Ologs? (They're too scary!)

Come in all you Elder Races, your time is up
The fat lady's singing and you just can't shut her up
So take the Elder Races and age them if you can
The world will be our Oyster, Erdreja ruled by man

Elves (Poncey!)
Fey (Noncey!)
Dwarves (Hairy!)
Ologs (Scary!)

The Elves were put upon the land to make the trees feel good
Companions for the timber, the branches give them wood
Damn their stupid pointy ears and silly poncey ways
We're using our incanting and we're counting down the days

Seelie or unseelie fey, it's all the same to me
Someone should just lock them up and throw away the key
They think that they're all glamorous, but they'll take you for a ride
They're just squeakies in pearl necklaces, from Mordred they can't hide

Stumpy dwarves live underground, they're hairy and they smell
No-one can see their ugly chops in the darkness where they dwell
They've got lots of gold and gems and shiny stuff they've made
The only way they'll part with it is if they think that they'll get laid

Stupid stupid stupid ologs have a small vocabulary
Of the Elder Races they're the dumbest of the three (... But there's four!)
Stupid stupid stupid ologs, stupid stupid ologs
Stupid stupid stupid ologs, stupid stupid ologs

The drow are not an Elder Race, but we put them in this song
'Cos we're going to have to stab them up and it's taking far too long
The men are only whipping boys with girly silver hair
The women are all grizzlers, and cute ones are quite rare

Drow [DEAD!]

credits

from A Brick Over Troubled Mortar, released August 26, 2004
By Lester (Stephen McGreal), Saint Tunar The Controversial (Neil Albrechtsen), and Cassius (Sammo Pinney)

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