Never Mind The Ologs

by The Bricks

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credits

released March 30, 2015

The Bricks are:
Thorkal Gudbardsson - Vocals, guitar, bass, recorder, “viking horn”
Lester Starcraft - Vocals, guitar, ukelele, trousers
Cassius - Vocals, mermaid wrangling

Also Featuring:
Redbeard, The Fuse Whisperer - Fiddle, bass
Irregular Flippersson - Drums, stunning box, cowbell, more cowbell, shaky egg
Don Nick of Scillyjar - Bodhran, tambourine
Stavros Eranti - Guitar solo on “All The Boys”, gypsy widdling on “Holidays In Graecia”
Swein Hundsson as “a dog”

Recorded, mixed & mastered by Dusty Potsson at Drow & Wight Studio, Kernowjar
Actually recorded, mixed & mastered by Brendan McGreal at Black & White Studio, Cornwall
Additional recording by Justin French and Stephen McGreal
Produced by Stephen McGreal

Thorkal’s stunt double: Neil Albrechtsen
Lester impersonator: Stephen McGreal
Cassius’s evil twin: Sammo Pinney
Redbeard appears courtesy of Neil Mcmahon
Flippersson puppeteered by Flip Wilkes
Don Nick’s secret alter-ego: Nick Lishman
Stavros’ trained monkey: Tim Lewis
Swein Hundsson phys. repped by Ozzy Ozkins

Cover art by Ian Bowden
Graphic design by David “Zaphod” Moss
Photography by Nick Lishman
Photo editing by Hamish Frater

Special thanks: Anni Albrechtsen, Charley Downey, Ben Harris, Hutch, Dan Keating-Roberts, Ashley Liddell, Jack McGreal, Su Wainwright, Katherine Wheatley, and the Kickstarter backers.

Visit www.thebricksbards.co.uk for lyrics, chords, and full Kickstarter credits.

To the memory of Leon Vickers. Coffee in one hand, cigarette in the other, about to put his boots on.

tags

license

all rights reserved
Track Name: Satirical Viking Folk Song
Chorus 1

Let's write a Satirical Viking Folk Song
Let's make it the best we've ever done
Let's write a Satirical Viking Folk Song
And take the p*** out of everyone

Verse 1

It's got to appeal to xenophobics
It's got infringe your civil rights
It's got to claim that elves have no dicks
And start a lot of pointless fights

And it's got to have a bit where Thorkal shows off his guitar skills...

Chorus 2

Let's write a Satirical Viking Folk Song
Let's give those Norscan boys a laugh
Let's write a Satirical Viking Folk Song
It can be our epitaph

Verse 2

It's got to have at least one verse entirely,
Devoted to slagging off the drow,
Because we think they're twisted and evil and slimy,
But they probably know that by now,

And it's got to have a bit where we all shout "Let's Stab 'em Up!!"

Chorus 1

Verse 3

It's got to have a lot of double entendres,
To thrill the privates on parade,
But we don't care if they're single entendres,
Just as long as it get's us laid,

And it's got to have a joke about wood...

Chorus 2

Verse 4

It's got to have a lot of bad rhymes,
It's got to have lines that don't quite fit into the space available,
It's got to have grammatical word crimes,
It's got to have jokes that aren't quite saleable,

And it's got to have a bit with a dog.....

Chorus 1

Verse 5

It's got to have a verse all about Lester,
Where he tells the story of his life,
It's got to rhyme with fester, jester, depresseder, tester and ancestor,
And complain about his former wife,

And it's got to have a bit where he insults the audience...

Chorus 2

Verse 6

It's got to insult the other factions,
Like the Bears, Harts, Lions, Dragons, Gryphons, Jackals, Unicorns and Drow,
Once upon a time it would have been the Vipers,
But apparently they're all on our side now,

And it's got to have a bit that goes in this bit.....

Chorus 1
Track Name: The Carpentry Song
I'll Whip Out My Tools, If You'll Help Me Get Wood,
Together We Can Make Something Good.
And I'll Roll Up My Sleeves, If You'll Pull Back My Hood,
It's Kind Of Stiff So You'll Have To tug It Good.

Chorus

This Is A Song About Carpentry,
All The Wonderful Things You Can Make From A Tree,
Just Add Some Hinges, Some Handles And Some Locks
Then We Can Admire Your Stunning Box.

I'll Hammer It In Hard, If You Show Me The Spot,
Then I'll Neatly Dovetail It Into The Slot.
To Finish It Off Nice, I'll Use My Tongue-In-Groove,
And Wax It Up So It Slips In Nice And Smooth.

- Chorus -

I'll Loosen Up Your Drawers, If You Show Me Your Chest
An Oiling And A Rub-Down Does It Best
Oak Is Really Hard, And Maple's Really Fine
But If You're Good I'll Let You Stroke My Pine

- Chorus -
Track Name: Norks
What's the first thing that you can remember,
What's the first thing that caught your eye?
Well for me it was a pair of shirt potatoes,
Now I'll have a breast fixation till the day that I die!

CHORUS

'Cause you can joggle them, you can jiggle them,
you can wobble them, you can wiggle them,
you can put your head between them and go <Make (in)appropriate flubbing sound here>
You can grab them, you can grope them,
you can stroke them, you can soap them,
they're a man's best friend,
Norks, norks, norks, norks norks!

They're second to none as a beverage dispenser,
And babies latch on to them with exuberance,
So if there's nothing in the fridge, and you take your coffee white,
Then grab a mammalian protruberance!

- Chorus -

Small, perky, pert ones are a joy to behold,
But you can't beat a cracking bit of cleavage,
You get pink ones, you get brown ones,
You get yellow ones, you get green ones,
But I don't mind the colour just as long as there's heavage

- Chorus -

They're wabs, they're globes, they're funbags,
They're jubblies, they're bazookas,
They're dairy pillows, melons, they are chesticles,
They're udders, orbs, they're puppies,
They're outdoor lungs, they're knockers,
And they make me feel all fuzzy in my... heart....

- Chorus -
Track Name: Wereavampalockadin
I'm sick and tired of all these bullies getting on my case
They tease me 'cos I live with mum, and kick sand in my face
Gonna show them all who's boss, I'm gonna live the dream
And I'll become the most amazing creature ever seen
I'm a puny mortal meatsack, as I've become aware
So step one of my master plan is to become a Were
I'll dress up as a little girl, put on my riding hood
Skip along the forest path, right through the scary wood
When the nasty werewolf leaps out, his big teeth I'll admire
I'll get bit and nearly be a Wereapalalockapire

Wereapalalockapire, Wereapalalockapire
When I become one I will be a hit with all the ladies
Wereapalalockapire, Wereapalalockapire
I wanted power, all I got was fleas and bloody rabies

Next up I need vampires, those creatures of the night
But how to make the walking dead walk up and take a bite?
I'll wear black clothes, become Emo, say "Yeah, I'm pretty dark"
And if I cut my wrists the blood attracts them like a shark
I'll bare my neck and not complain as they stick their fangs in
I'll get bit and nearly be a Vampawerealockadin

Vampawerealockadin, Vampawerealockadin
When I'm one the girls will say that I could not be dreamier
Vampawerealockadin, Vampawerealockadin
I wanted power, all I got was sodding septicemia

Now to be a paladin - gosh darn, I am persistent!
I guess you make them bite you too? Well that would be consistent
This one's a bit trickier, so I'll think la-ter-al-ly
I'll dress like a communion wafer, they'll bite right into me
I'll be fitter, stronger, faster - oh yes, I'll really rock
I'll get bit and nearly be a Palavampawerealock

Palavampawerealock, Palavampawerealock
There's nothing left to stop me now in my quest for betterness
Palavampawerealock, Palavampawerealock
His rusty armour's only gone and gave me frigging tetanus

Finally the warlocks, the trickiest of all
It's hard to make them bite you, they'll just magebolt you in the... head
I guess I'll just sneak up on one, but before things can go south
I'll take a running jump and hurl myself at their mouth
Then I will be awesome, and I'll live without a care
I'll get bit and then I'll be a Waravampapalawere

Waravampapalawere, Waravampapalawere
I'll crush my foes right underfoot, my enemies I'll smash
Waravampapalawere, Waravampapalawere
Just as soon as I've cleared up this unspecified rash

Just as soon as I've cleared up this unspecified rash
Track Name: Goblin Sexy Dance
I was in my cell doing five to eight
When they introduced my new cellmate
With skin as green as gangrene on a frog
He said "I need to save my goblin hide
Or this time tomorrow I'll be fried
But we need to get past three guards and a dog

He said "close your eyes so you can't see
I'm going to throw a shape or three
My sexy goblin dance will set us free"
When I opened up my eyes
The dog was bald and paralysed
And the guards had checked into therapy

CHORUS
Goblin sexy dance
Erect a bell tent in your pants
Sexy dance
Your retinas won't stand a chance
Sexy dance
What's been seen can't be unseen
Sexy dance, sexy dance, sexy dance, sexy dance
Once you've gone green you'll never get clean

We were out of jail and on the run
When a vampire tried to spoil our fun
He said "I'm going to suck your jugular"
I said "I'm a bard and he's a goblin
We don't know the first thing about juggling"
And the vampire said "No! I said JugUlar!"

As the vampire made his move
The goblin got into his groove
I used my cloak to cover up my face
He kicked his heels and took some names
The vampire burst out into flames
And left a pile of teeth and burning lace

CHORUS

We holed up in a deep, dark mine
Hoping we could buy some time
But a black and silver rockfall blocked our way
It landed with a might splat
When we poked it, it was quivering fat
A matron mother out to spoil our day

We couldn't get through, couldn't get around
Then the goblin's toes made a tapping sound
As he bust his moves the drow began to drool
Her loins were lusting and her bra was busting
As she gazed at his disgusting thrusting
When he was done there was just an inky pool

CHORUS

Found a carnival on the edge of town
With a bearded lady and a scary clown
They chased us from the freak show to a tent
We ducked inside for a place to hide
But we were surrounded on all sides
By creatures that were tall and thin and bent

He began to twist and spin
But so did his distorted twin
In the Hall of Mirrors, the goblin met his match
He fell in love with his reflected self
And morphed into a prancing elf
I snuck out and left him in his sticky patch

CHORUS

Once you've gone green you'll never get clean
Unless you preen like an elven queen
Track Name: Proper Drinking Song (Juv-Worv Clan Anthem)
There's nothing we love more
Than to sit together and drink
And sing til our voices are raw
About any old guff we can think
So we really should have a song
Of the joys of imbibing ale
All the drunkards could sing along
But we've tried and we've tried and we've failed

CHORUS:

We don't know how to write
A proper drinking song
'Cos we've been drunk all night
Been quaffing all day long
Our heads are spinning round
Our legs can't seem to steer
The only cure we've found
Is to have another beer

We'll drink you under the table
We'll drink you under the chair
We'll drink twice as much as you're able
But we don't have tune we can share
Our bards are all down the boozer
They're drinking all they can take
ErdrejaVision Song Contest losers
And that was their fatal mistake

CHORUS

We're hammered, we're spannered, we're sozzled, we're smashed
We're seeing pink elephants, we're rather mashed
We're trousered, we're starfished, we're quite worse for wear
We're twisted, we're legless, we're too gone to care
Our livers are losing, our balance is shot
We're needing the toilet rather a lot
We're ratted, we're battered, we're reeking of booze
We've got beer on our trousers and puke on our shoes

CHORUS
Track Name: Underdark Blues
Woke up this morning, my face was black
Only thing that I could feel was the whip across my back
Looked in the mirror - where is my hair?
What's with this silver mullet? How did that get there?

Ow! I don't know how
But I think I've turned into a drow

Gonna have to move underground, 'cos I can't stand the light
Might as well sell my axe and shield, 'cos I've forgotten how to fight
Feeling kinda lonely 'cos I lost all my friends
Except for Vlad and Kara, and I think Kara just pretends

Ow! What do I do now?
I think I've turned into a drow

Spending all my money on purple leather and silver thread
Hard-nosed women in black corsets keep messing with my head
I don't wanna stop being Norscan 'cos I've got so much to lose
I hate living life as a dark elf, I've got the Underdark Blues

Ow! Holy cow!
It really sucks being a drow

Ow! Stab me now!
I don't wanna be a drow
Track Name: Holidays In Graecia
CHORUS
It's just a tad too nippy in Siberja,
And uncomfortably humid in Cathay,
Its far too overcrowded out in Nihon,
For a Norscan Skald to spend his holiday.

Oh where in Erdreja can I take my holiday?
I'm getting tired of Norsca and I need to get away


I once went walking in the hills of Cymrja,
But the sheep followed me back to my hotel,
I avoid the travel agencies in Norhault,
And the rip-off package holidays they sell.

The problem with Estragales is the Estragalians,
How men can talk so queer is hard to see,
In Teutonia if you're human and still breathing,
Then you're an ethnic minority.

CHORUS

In the underdark they've got it topsy turvy,
With the woman literally hitting on the man,
I tried a touring holiday in Erin,
But the thieving gyppos pinched my caravan.

I spent last hogmanay in Caledonia,
Now the smell of vomit lingers on my clothes,
Perhaps I should have tea and scones in Albion,
But the constant whingeing gets right up my nose.

CHORUS

I could stroll the fine piazza's of Sicilja,
If I liked to see statues of naked men,
I could risk it all by sailing to Aegyptus,
But I might not ever make it back again.

I was invited to pop in and see some Lions,
When I arrived they'd all moved out again,
I've spent some working holidays in Orkney,
But I want leisure time, not fighting in the rain.

CHORUS

So now I'll take my holidays in Graecia,
Sampling the olives and the wine,
I'm sure I'll be a hit with all the ladies,
For their men are short, bald, malodorous swine.

My longship will put in at every island,
I'll look at ancient ruins for a while,
And when I've finished topping up my suntan,
I'll head back to sweet Norsca with a smile.

CHORUS (with the last 2 lines changed to)
"Only in Graecia will I take my holiday,
I'm getting tired of Norsca and I need to get away"
Track Name: Subsection 14B
This happens more often than you'd like to think
An unfortunate traveller in need of a drink
But as I propped up the bar at the Weasel and Stoat
Imploring the landlord to moisten my throat
He said "there's no way I'll pour you a beer
you've more than outstayed your welcome here
your pockets are as empty as the space in your head
and your bar tab is bigger than, well, your head"
A shifty-looking fellow sidled up to the bar
He said "stick with me kid, and you will go far
you see, I'm a demon, and if you scratch my back
I'll scratch yours in return and give you what you lack"

CHORUS: FEALTY
Do you want power, do you want might?
Do you want a different lady every night?
Do you want diamonds that sparkle like fire?
Just give me your fealty, say what you desire
I said "I'll give you my fealty, I'll sign on the line
But there's just one thing I want to be mine
A flagon of ale to quench my thirst
You'll get what you want if I get that first"

The demon grinned and said "Is that all?
You could have been rich, I think you dropped the ball"
He clapped his hands, and before I could blink
The barman served me a tasty fresh drink
I downed it in one and then I licked my lips
The demon stood there with his hands on his hips
I said "Hey, demon! Now we've made an exchange
why not make another? What can you arrange?"

CHORUS: MIND

"You are a fool" he cried "just one more pint of ale?
I have your mind and you're completely made of fail"
I said "of all I've lost, I miss my mind the least
so conjure up my pint, you big demonic beast"
My bloodstream filled with alcohol, my head filled up with dreams
The demon spawned a twin (or at least that's how it seemed)
The room began to spin around, but I was not afraid
I said "Hey, Mr. Demon, how about another trade?"

CHORUS: BODY

He said "Your body, mind and fealty all belong to me!"
I said "Check out the Demon Code, subsection 14B"
I paused to sup down my ale, to quench my thirst
"All contracts are void if another demon got there first"
My beer armour protects me, gives me courage to defend
My body, mind and fealty belong to a dear old friend
The stranger knew I had him, his heart began to sink
'cos I've already been consumed by the demon they call drink

The demon slinked away, tail between his legs
I watched him go as I drank the final dregs
The landlord said "I like your style, you've courage and you've nouse
from now until forever, your drinks are on the house!"

I don't want power, and I don't want might
I don't want a different lady every night
I don't want diamonds that sparkle like fire
There's only one thing I truly desire
I won't give you anything, won't sign on the line
I'll just sit here drinking until the end of time
An ocean of ale to quench my thirst
I'll drink what I want until I'm fit to burst
Track Name: Everything Good Is Norscan
CHORUS
Mead halls and shield walls, Norscan, Norscan,
Axe blades and night raids, Norscan, Norscan,
I think that you'll find if you're not out of your mind,
That Everything Good is Norscan.

Tea is actually, just a mineral
That they mine in Vanaheim, by the bucketful
In a soup it cures the droop,
And puts the lead back in your pencil,
So we cart it to the Harts,
And they drink it by the potful,

But the mines are almost empty now,
We've dug so deep we've hit drow,
And soon when all the tea is gone,
There'll be no more fun in Albion

CHORUS

Kilts are really built out in Orkneyjar,
As fashion-wear for ladies fair of Caledonia,
Naked knees are sure to please if they're not knobbly or hairy,
So they take all we can make and the volumes are quite scary,

Enough for half the population of the Caledonian nation,
But their women are quite rare in them,
'Cause their men are always wearing them.

CHORUS

Pyramids are made by kids from southern Jotunheim,
A skill they teach down on the beach with blocks of sand and lime,
A bright Year Nine sold the design to the Queen of the Aegyptians,
They build them tall, then wreck them all,
With their wierd picture inscriptions,

They seal their gold up in a tomb that's hidden in a secret room,
But the Norscan schoolboy rubs his hands,
'Cause the room is marked up on his plans.

CHORUS
Track Name: All The Boys
Welcome to Teutonia, it's a green and pleasant land
with and friendly people who can always lend a hand
As you get to] know us, your love for us will grow
Though there are some things about us that maybe you should know

We'd always hurt a fly and say Boo to a goose
We'd give your mum a wedgie and we don't need an excuse
We'd steal candy from a baby, and trample on it's toys
you ask us who we are, we say ALL THE BOYS - VIPER BOYS!

Our diverse ethnic culture is progressive and it's cool
And our students are the brightest due to our amazing schools
Our new taxation system is egalitarian
But there's some stuff about us that you should understand

We'd take a fluffy bunny, and put it on the boil
We'll stick a knife into your back and a flag into your soil
If you can't sleep at night, it's us - we're making noise
We'll tell you who we are we are ALL THE BOYS - VIPER BOYS!

The friendly, lush black forest is an awe-inspiring sight
To which tourists flock in droves for a chance to spend the night
The Reiskarg ritual cirlce is good clean harmless fun
But there's bits we want to mention before this song is done

We're not up before dawn 'cos we're stabbing up til late
You're either brave or stupid if you wander through our gate
We just can't keep a count of the Prince Bishops we've destroyed
You all know who we are, we are ALL THE BOYS - VIPER BOYS!

Go roaming in the Blood Marshes, they’re really to die for
And the fine beaches of Lecce should be part of every tour
We’ve been busy refurbishing the lovely town of Beck
But if you want to mess with us, best keep yourself in check

We'll rain down hails of mage bolts from our fine moral high ground
The only thing dividing us is what's best: Green or Brown?
Destroying the Akari and Empire gave us joy
You’d best know who we are, we are ALL THE BOYS - VIPER BOYS!

So now you know Teutonia is better than your place
Do you have a faction leader who can shred and melt your face?
Track Name: He's A Dwarf
Who's that warrior, with the hammer and the shield?
Will of iron encased in burnished steel
Fore-arms like his aroma are both equally strong
Beard down to his ankles, which admittedly's not that long

CHORUS:
Facial hair, manners of a bear
Four foot stature and a thousand-yard stare
But when he's fighting at your shoulder (hip!) you just don't care
'cos he's a dwarf

He's a dwarf! (he's a dwarf, he's a dwarf, he's a dwarf)
He's a dwarf! (he's a dwarf, he's a very dwarfy dwarf)
He's a dwarf! (he's a dwarf, he's a dwarf, he's a dwarf)
He's a dwarf! (he's a dwarf, he's a very dwarfy dwarf)

He's a brute!
He's hirsute!
He's a gold-divining, silver mining, mountain hewing, master brewing dwarf!

Raised in the echoes of majestic mountain halls
Stories of his forefathers in runes upon the walls
Takes the precious bounty from the belly of the earth
Shapes it into artifacts of vast power and great worth

CHORUS

Piles his plate with comestibles, and eats just like a horse
Drinks like a Caledonian, and sings just like the Norse
Quaffs horns of honey mead, then downs a yard of ale
(Compared to a human, that's a yard and a half, to scale)

CHORUS
Track Name: Jacob And The Irregular Mermaid
Jacob ploughed the whale road
His first love was the angry sea
Casting his nets in the mounting swell
Until he met a mermaid called Cecily

CHORUS
She was a mermaid, but the other way round
Half woman, half fish, but in reverse
Don't judge another by the love that they found
Love being blind can be a curse
Legs of a lady
Body of a cod
Eyes of a haddock
Ankles of a god
Jacob and the irregular mermaid

Jacob hit a storm surge
Mast broken and far from port
A wave sucked him clean off the boat
But he was saved by a mermaid of a different sort

CHORUS

Jacob tried to woo her
But no flowers in oceans can be found
So he reeled her in with mealworms
And a tiny little castle she could swim around

CHORUS

Jacob married Cecily
To each other their lives devote
Her fins had no fingers so there was no ring
He just laid a pearl necklace around her throat

CHORUS

Jacob lost his Cecily
After seven years she filed for divorce
She fell for a topsy-turvy centaur
With the legs of a human and the torso of a horse

CHORUS
Track Name: Just Like You
This is a song that tells of the death of my dad
He was cut down in battle, but I'm not sad
He was a hero and I am proud to bear his name
And one day I hope to share in his glory and fame

CHORUS
You fought to your last breath, and you watched as the valkyries flew,
And daddy, when I grow up I want to be dead, just like you

Daddy when I last saw you I was sat on your knee
When they carried you away, they left part of your leg with me
You said "keep your head in the chin in the air keep your feet on the ground"
But they buried you quickly and got it the other way round

CHORUS

I don't want to put on my 'jamas and head off to bed
I want to drink twelve horns of mead and get out of my head
I don't want to go to school and learn how to rhyme
I just want to go to the Valhall and have a good punch up

CHORUS

I'll head off to battle and lay down my young Norscan life
I can't lift your sword but I found your old fruit peeling knife
I don't have the reach to strike at men's heads or their hearts
But by Loki they'd better watch out for their sensitive parts

CHORUS

I want to be riddled with arrows and fall to my knees, just like you
I want to die on top of a pile of my dead enemies, just like you
I want to die howling defiance and cursing my foes, just like you
I want to see pieces of my brain drip out through my nose, just like you
I want to feel my life force draining through deep tissue cuts, just like you
I want to get stabbed in my stomach and spill out my guts, just like you
I want to be choking on blood when I swear my last vow, just like you
I want to be smothered in chocolate and fed to the drow, just like you
Track Name: A Wolf Prince Should Never Have Fleas
Everyone knows that the Norscan Royals are scary,
And every full moon the Odinsheim palace gets hairy,
The Norscans don't mind 'cause they think that it's kind of a bonus,
That the man with the Crown is quite hard to put down thanks to Lunas.

CHORUS

And so they don't complain,
About the smells and the hairs and the stains,
But there's one thing on which everyone agrees...
He can lick his own plums and sniff other chaps' bums
But a Wolf Prince should never have fleas.
A Wolf Prince should never have fleas
A Wolf Prince should never have fleas
He can lick his own plums and sniff other chaps' bums
But a Wolf Prince should never have fleas.

Queen Kara's boudoir is a showroom of ceiling to floor chintz,
The maids all work hard to remove the wet patches and paw prints,
A shapechanging Royal can be friendly and loyal, and unbloodstained,
If you keep scratching his ears and keep feeding him beers he stays housetrained

CHORUS

While we sit at the table they eat from a bowl on the floor,
With those puppy-dog eyes they whimper and beg for some more,
They go out and chase sticks, and occasionally Bricks or just peasants,
And when the man on the throne tries to bury his bone it ain't pleasant.

CHORUS
Track Name: The Official Line
This song has been passed by the Norscan Song Comission
It's wholesome and it's pleasant and it's clean,
And when we applied for Wolf song permission
We changed anything spiteful or mean.

This song takes account of the needs of minorities
We wanted to show how much we cared
So the words are nice and easy, for those with low abilities
LOUD AND SLOW FOR THE HEARING IMPAIRED.

Everything is wonderful, everyone is great,
Squeakies are fantabulous, the drow are just first rate,
The command group are infallible, diplomacy's divine,
There's Nothing To Complain About and that's The Official Line

This song respects a woman as a valued equal being,
Not an object of lustful desire,
And why have controversy when we could be all agreeing,
And the bards could be preaching to the choir.

This song rejects enthralling as a form of cruel oppression,
That no barbarian horde should condone,
So let's all free the workers and we'll make a good impression,
'Cause we can clean the toilets on our own.

Everything is marvellous, everyone is nice,
Lycanthropes are the Chosen Race, The Queen is without vice
Free expression's treasonous, censorship is fine,
Things Can Only Get Better and that's The Official Line

This song believes in peaceful means of conflict resolution
And forging lots of ploughshares out of swords,
'Cause gentlemen from Forinjar make a valid contribution
And it's wrong to help ourselves to treasure hoards,

This song accepts that faith is multi-denominational
No matter to which ancestor you pray,
They don't need spears or hammers to be fully operational,
And if they've got eight legs that's still OK.

Everything is heavenly, everyone is cool,
Kasimir's an idiot and Lester's just a fool,
War is an atrocity, the troops should resign,
Erdreja Is A Happy Place and that's The Official Line