Money For Barding, Bricks For Free

by The Bricks

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Making money as a bard is hard work. You may think that those couple of copper you chuck at them across a campfire is enough to keep them in guitar strings and oversized trousers, but you'd be wrong. We've got bills to feed, mouths to pay, and we have... Certain expensive tastes.

We make a lot of our money by writing specific commissioned songs for people. Mostly people ask for mawkish love songs, of no interest to anyone except the recipient, but every now and then we get a commission that results in something interesting. In the course of the Brickstarter campaign for "Never Mind The Ologs" we wrote a few such songs. The patrons who commissioned them have kindly agreed to let us share them with you, for free!

All we ask for in exchange is:

- To consider paying some money anyway, because all our music costs more to record and release than you'd imagine and we're skint.

- To spend some time on our Bandcamp checking out our other stuff and to consider buying that. It's really very good.

- Your eternal adoration and devotion

- Your first-born child


released July 18, 2015

The Bricks are:

Lester Starcraft (aka Stephen McGreal)
Thorkal Gudbardsson (aka Neil Albrechtsen)
Cassius (aka Sammo Pinney)

Recorded by:
Justin French (tracks 1, 3, 4 and 6)
Hazel Plummer @ Purple Pro Audio, Leeds (track 2)
Brendan McGreal @ Black & White, Cornwall (track 5)
Mastered by Brendan McGreal

Cover image by Stephen McGreal
Photo editing by Hamish Frater
Bricks logo by David "Zaphod" Moss



all rights reserved
Track Name: Esteban
I was asked to write a song, if I can
About a very special man
I don't know the facts, although I can
Make many rhymes with Esteban

Esteban! Esteban!
Can he kick it? Yes he can!

He's got a face like a frying pan
Has hit it, he's called Esteban

Some say he's a mouse who thinks he's man
Who is he? He is Esteban

He's not a member of Duran Duran
(Or is he?) The enigma Esteban

His pants are rumoured to smell of jam
Could this be true of Esteban?

Some say he dresses like his gran
Or his mummy (get it? mummy? Jackals, Aegyptus? Oh, never mind) Esteban!

Even though my lyrics might not always quite scan
Let's all make fun of Esteban

Looks great in a kilt of any clan
(He's good good legs, has Esteban)

He has a hamster who is called Suzanne
He's an animal lover, our Esteban

He'll give you an almighty tan
Behold, the Sun-God Esteban!

He's probably not my biggest fan
This song's too weak for Esteban

He'll rapidly cut short my life-span
If he hears this, Esteban

I guess it's time I turned and ran
Lest I be killed by Esteban

CHORUS (repeat until murdered)
Track Name: Die Alone
In the misty lands of Albion there’s a group that everybody knows
If you’re strong in faith and firepower, maybe you can even join the Crows
Worshippers and demon wranglers, the finest ritual team you’ve ever known
They’ve boasted many heroes but sadly most of them have died alone

Sail the Ars Moriendi to the isle of Lindisfarne
Where Ma Crow will do her best to keep you safe from harm
Wield the Iron of Flaming Glory! Pray your death is not too gory!
Albion’s our home, we’ll give our lives; defend the throne
Join the Crows! (Join the crows!)
See the world! (See the world!)
And die alone! (Die alone!)
Die alone! (Die alone!)
Join the Crows! (Join the crows!)
See the world! (See the world!)
And die alone! (Die alone!)
Die alone! (Die alone!)
die alone!

Jackamo Cassandra was a hero and the founder of the Crows
But in York the foul unliving made poor Jackamo lie down and decompose
Merlon was the Sheriff, sworn always to Albion defend
He got poisoned on the battlefield, and found that he had met a sticky end


Into a ritual circle stepped a beastkin and an umbral and an elf
But unbeknownst to them it was to prove to be a hazard to their health
Sathareal, Osuna and Taryn earned respect and admiration
But the vapour poison proved that a ritual seal provides no ventilation


Burdock loved himself, and when he was around you had to watch your back
Until some zombies came, pulled out his entrails and had a ghoulish snack
Shio was an angry one who wanted to do Harm to Xatabai
But the demon tore his kidneys out and made herself a steak and Shio pie


Cap’n was a ritualist, well known and well respected to his men
He got tanked up at a party, went out to pee and was never seen again
Orthorian loved knowledge, he was curious and thirsted for the facts
But his brains sprayed on the walls whilst he was playing games inside the tesseract

Track Name: Marry Me Mina
Mina, you're wonderful, 'cos you set my world on fire
The light in your eyes reminds me of a funeral pyre
I don't want to come on too strong, don't want to unnerve
But I can't help but fall for a girl who is so well preserved.

I gave you my heart, it was to show you just how I feel
(Well I didn't need it, it was starting to smell and congeal)
So now in return I'd like to ask you for your hand
(I mean as in marriage, not as in "wrapped round my gland")

I'm sorry I find it hard to be romantic
The rules have all changed now that we're necromantic
I'm asking you now - could you ever marry a fool?
I kind of thought that if we were together
We could murder and raise all the living forever
I don't know 'bout you, but I think that would be cool

I think I might love you, and what you represent
Thought that might just be a build-up of gases which I need to vent
When I was alive it was always the hot girls I craved
But now there's nothing hotter than a woman who's cold as the grave

Imagine a marriage between House Von Beck and Kaiserstein
We could exert political power over these swine
I like that you work at the bank, and handle my... cash
You could handle my other things too, once I've cleared up the rash


Are you impressed by guys who have fortune and fame?
I have some of both, despite critics saying I'm lame
I may have this stupid hat constantly stuck on my head
But unlike your previous husband, I'm already undead

You should visit my forest, it's a great place to go for a data
You can meet my mum too - if you want to help me excavate
Ignore all the rumours that I'm secretly a transvest-ite
I can only assure you that I'll Be All Wight On The Night

Track Name: He's A Dwarf
Who's that warrior, with the hammer and the shield?
Will of iron, encased in burnished steel?
Forearms, like his aroma, are both equally strong
Beard down to his ankles, which admittedly is not that long

Facial hair, manners of a bear
Four foot stature and a thousand yard stare
But when he's fighting at your shoulder (Hip!)
You just don't care, 'cause he's a dwarf

He's a dwarf, (he's a dwarf, he's a dwarf, he's a dwarf)
He's a dwarf (he's a dwarf, he's a very dwarfy dwarf)
He's a dwarf (he's a dwarf, he's a dwarf, he's a dwarf)
He's a dwarf (he's a dwarf, he's a very dwarfy dwarf)

He's a brute! he's hirsute!
He's a gold divining, silver mining
mountain-hewing, master-brewing dwarf

Raised in the echoes of majestic mountain halls
Stories of his forefathers in runes upon the walls
Takes the precious bounty from the belly of the earth
Shapes it into artefacts of vast power and great worth


Piles his plate with comestibles and eats just like a horse
Drinks like a Caledonian and sings just like the Norse
Quaffs horns of honey mead, then downs a yard of ale
Compared to a human that's a yard and half to scale

Track Name: The Mountain & The Man
The old man kissed his daughter, and his grandson in her arms
And prayed that their passage would be swift and safe from harm
She set off on her journey down the rocky mountain road
Carrying her baby to the fertile lands below

The mountain shakes and shudders from its roots up to its crown
with a roar like mighty thunder the avalanche rolls down
the frost bites like steel and the winds grow fierce and wild
A babe wrapped in a blanket of snow, theMountain made this child

The old man saw the storm clouds swelling, thick and fast
And rushed to find his daughter in the lonely mountain pass
He searched up there for hours, battered by the howling gale
He found her body like a statue, cold and hard and pale
In her arms she held her baby, so small and frail and still
Embraced in icy fingers of the mountain’s deathly chill
The old man cried out in anguish, loud enough to split the sky
When the echoes had subsided, he heard the baby cry


He carried back the baby to the safety of his keep
He prayed the boy would live and would awaken from his sleep
An avalanche roared down on the distant mountainside
And as if the mountain called to him, the boy opened his eyes
They named him Wyndrake Winterheart, he grew tall and strong and broad
Master of the hunting knife, the songbook and the sword
On the shores of Wintermere, the boy became a man
He learned the paths of the Dragonspine, of its people and its clans


One day he went wandering on the highest windswept fells

A snowstorm drove him to a cave and sealed it like a cell
Two weeks the mountain held him, whispered secrets bold and strange
When it finally released him, he was forever changed
With Pendragon in his blood and Excalibur in his hand
The mountain in his heart and a love for his homeland
A true child of the Dragonspine, from Wintermere he came
The mountain shaped the boy and the man that he became