Lester: Unplugged & Unhinged

by The Bricks

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1.
2.
02:15
3.
04:20
4.
5.
02:43

credits

released August 29, 2008

tags

license

all rights reserved
Track Name: The Carpentry Song
I'll Whip Out My Tools,
If You'll Help Me Get Wood,
Together We Can Make Something Good.

And I'll Roll Up My Sleeves,
If You'll Pull Back My Hood,
It's Kind Of Stiff So You'll Have To Pull It Good.

This Is A Song About Carpentry,
All The Wonderful Things You Can Make From A Tree,
Just Add Some Hinges, Some Handles And Some Locks
Then We Can Admire Your Stunning Box.

I'll Hammer It In Hard, If You Show Me The Spot,
Then I'll Neatly Dovetail It Into The Slot.
To Finish It Off Nice, I'll Use My Tongue-In-Groove,
And Wax It Up So It Slips In Nice And Smooth.

I'll Loosen Up Your Drawers, If You Show Me Your Chest
And Oiling And A Rub-Down Does It Best
Oak Is Really Hard, And Maple's Really Fine
But If You're Good I'll Let You Stroke My Pine
Track Name: Norks
What's the first thing that you can remember,
What's the first thing that caught your eye?
Well for me it was a pair of shirt potatoes,
Now I'll have a breast fixation till the day that I die!

'Cause you can joggle them, you can jiggle them,
you can wobble them, you can wiggle them,
you can put your head between them and go BRRR
You can grab them, you can grope them,
you can stroke them, you can soap them,
they're a man's best friend,
Norks, norks, norks, norks norks!

They're second to none as a beverage dispenser,
And babies latch on to them with exuberance,
So if there's nothing in the fridge, and you take your coffee white,
Then grab a mammalian protruberance!

Small, perky, pert ones are a joy to behold,
But you can't beat a cracking bit of cleavage,
You get pink ones, you get brown ones,
You get yellow ones, you get green ones,
But I don't mind the colour just as long as there's heavage

They're wabs, they're globes, they're funbags,
They're jubblies, they're bazookas,
They're dairy pillows, melons, they are chesticles,
They're udders, orbs, they're puppies,
They're outdoor lungs, they're knockers,
And they make me feel all fuzzy in my... heart....
Track Name: Yarrr
Avast all ye landlubbers, hear my salty tale
Of a group of scurvy pirates who went and set sail
On the high seas of adventure, for bounties galore
For treasures untold upon far distant shores

The Captain was retentive, he had to be symmetrical,
His hat had four corners, perfectly geometrical
He had two wooden legs, and two pistol holders.
Two eyepatches, two hooked hands, and a parrot on each shoulder.

His visage was fearsome, his costume magnificent
Stick a mirror down his middle and he didn't look any different.

This is the tale of the voyage of the crew
of the ship, to the place, at the time, where they committed the
crime, where they stole all the stuff, at the time,
in that place, on their ship, them the crew, on the voyage in this tale.

Life at sea is boring, there's nothing much to do,
You can always have a fiddle out on the ocean blue,
But if thats not your thing, then its really a no brainer,
you might afford the company of their onboard entertainer,

The lass who filled that vacancy, a comely buxom wench,
all those who had her services they couldnt help but clench,
her hands were soft, her norks were big, her cleavage was divine,
an hour in her company, and you'd be on cloud nine.

Though`her face was rather hairy, 'cos she oft forgot to shave
She said her name was Daisy but once she was called Dave.

This is the tale of the voyage of the crew with that
bird, with the beard, of the ship, to the place, at the
time, where they committed the crime, where they stole all the
stuff, at the time, in that place, on their ship, with a
beard on that bird, with the crew, on the voyage in this tale.

Now their vessel she's a beauty, the best they ever made,
sturdy and reliable, it really was first grade,
to keep the ship a'sailin fine, you have to look ahead,
for those that dont beware me'lads ye` may well end up dead.

The lookout in the crows nest, he keeps his watch for land,
the helmsman he will steer her in with firm and steady hand,
but as they reached the island that fine ship ran aground, [CRASH!]
the hull's integral structure became dangerously unsound.

Cos their helmsman he's got Parkinson's and the lookout he was blind,
what with equal oppurtunities a good crew's hard to find.

This is the tale of the voyage of the crew with that
bird, with the beard, of the ship, to the place, where they
crashed on the rocks at the time, where they committed the
crime, where they stole all the stuff, at the time, in that
place, on their ship, on the rocks where they'd crashed, with that
beard on the bird, with the crew, on the voyage in this tale.

A hundred paces North, and twenty paces West
Finding buried treasure is what pirates do best
Come all types of weather, drought, snow or monsoon
They'll always find a horde worth a thousand gold dubloons

The wealth retrieval expert was a wonder to behold
With an uncanny ability to seek out hidden gold
He carried back the booty from the spot upon the hill
But dangerously quickly he discovered he was ill

His face swelled like a melon, with hives beyond measure
This unfortunate pirate was allergic to treasure

This is the tale of the voyage of the crew with that
bird, with the beard, on the ship, to the place, where they
crashed on the rocks at the time, with the bloke who
committed the crime, and got sick and he died, he was
crap, cos he stole all the stuff, he was crap, cos he
died, and got sick, him the bloke, at the time, in that
place, on their ship, on the rocks where they'd crashed, with that
beard on the bird, with the crew, on the voyage in this tale.

This was the tale, of a voyage, of a crew, in that
bird, with the beard, it was sick, they all died, on the
ship, at the place, where they crashed, on the rocks, and they
sank, at the time, with the bloke who committed the
crime, and got sick, and he died, like the rest, he was
crap, cos he stole all the stuff, he was crap, like the
rest, he fell dead, it was ace!, him the bloke, at the
time, when they sank, on the rocks, where they crashed, in that
place, on their ship, they're all dead, its still sick, in that
bird, with beard, them the crew, all at once, parrots
too, and hooked hands, wooden legs, and those hives, bet they
hurt, not the crew?!?, their all dead! on the voyage in this tale.
Track Name: The Official Line
This Song has been passed by the Norscan Song Commission
It's wholesome and it's pleasant and it's clean,
And when we applied for Wolf song permission
We changed anything spiteful or mean.

This song takes account of the needs of minorities
We wanted to show how much we cared
So the words are nice and easy, for those with low abilities
LOUD AND SLOW FOR THE HEARING IMPAIRED.

Everything is wonderful, Everyone is great,
Squeakies are fantabulous, the drow are just first rate,
The command group are infallible, diplomacy's divine,
There's Nothing To Complain About and that's The Official Line

This song respects a woman as a valued equal being,
Not an object of lustful desire,
And why have controversy when we could be all agreeing,
And the bards could be preaching to the choir.

This song rejects enthralling as a form of cruel oppression,
That no barbarian horde should condone,
So let's all free the workers and we'll make a good impression,
'Cause we can clean the toilets on our own.

Everything is marvellous, everyone is nice,
Lycanthropes are the Chosen Race, The Queen is without vice
Free expression's treasonous, Censorship is fine,
Things Can Only Get Better and that's The Official Line

This song believes in peaceful means of conflict resolution
And forging lots of ploughshares out of swords,
'Cause gentlemen from Forinjar make a valid contribution
And it's wrong to help ourselves to treasure hoards,

This song accepts that faith is multi-denominational
No matter to which ancestor you pray,
They don't need spears or hammers to be fully operational,
And if they've got eight legs that's still OK.

Everything is heavenly, everyone is cool,
Kasimir's an idiot and Lester's just a fool,
War is an atrocity, the troops should resign,
Erdreja Is A Happy Place and that's The Official Line
Track Name: Esteban
I was asked to write a song if I can
About a very special man
I don't know the facts, although I can
Make many rhymes with Esteban

Esteban! Esteban!
Can he kick it? Yes he can!

He's got a face like a frying pan
Has hit it, he's called Esteban

Some say he's a mouse who thinks he's man
Who is he? He is Esteban

He's not a member of Duran Duran
(Or is he?) The enigma Esteban

His pants are rumoured to smell of jam
Could this be true of Esteban?

Some say he dresses like his gran
Or his mummy (get it? mummy? Jackals, Aegyptus? Oh, never mind) Esteban!

Even though my lyrics might not always quite scan
Let's all make fun of Esteban

Looks great in a kilt of any clan
(He's good good legs, has Esteban)

He has a hamster who is called Suzanne
He's an animal lover, our Esteban

He'll give you an almighty tan
Behold, the Sun-God Esteban!

He's probably not my biggest fan
This song's too weak for Esteban

He'll rapidly cut short my life-span
If he hears this, Esteban

I guess it's time I turned and ran
Lest I be killed by Esteban